My friends, they love my intelligence
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
