why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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