you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
