yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize