Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
