I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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