I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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