So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize