Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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