My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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