your thong is hanging out like whoa
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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