with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
