The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
