I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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