Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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