He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
