I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
