watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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