I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We are all done wearing pants today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
