oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
