Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
