I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
