i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
