I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
