Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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