I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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