god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
