Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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