Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
