I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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