Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
