He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
