i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
