Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
