She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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