...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
