In the future we'll all be gay
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
