If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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