I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
