I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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