dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
