at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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