I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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