I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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