no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
