Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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