RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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