Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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