Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
