Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
