Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
