she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
