i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
