we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
