my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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