I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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