Your dad touched me again.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize