i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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