i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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