Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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