Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
