I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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