You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
