you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize