I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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