i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
