I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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