I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
