I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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