I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
