It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
