You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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