I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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