You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
