I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
