I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
