The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
