The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
