I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize