Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
