The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you will always have a special place in my vag
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
