every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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