In the future we'll all be gay
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize